Wallace & Portia

Just after midnight, I'm driving home in some of the worst fog I can remember. It made me feel singular and alone. Far away from everything, encapsulated. But, not sad. It was almost like looking through a long-exposure in real life. Every now and then you experience something that feels real. Most of what we call real falls into the category of contrivance. Daily bullshit. Minutiae. Whatever. I had that same, insular, singular feeling earlier in the night. This parallel feeling of singularity, regardless of company and affects notwithstanding. I saw Nico Vega play- emote-channel. It's one time that maybe insane smallness of audience augmented a performance. I am at this moment deciding whether or not I can even look up their music. I'm purposely not googling them before I write anything. I want to remember tonight as it was. I feel like anything else I see could only taint the perfection. Obviously I'll get over it sooner or later, but like the idealized image of a loved one you don't see anymore...I want to hold on to it. When I saw the BSO perform, my mind went through similar machinations. There's the quiet before the adagio and my mind races. The same thing happened tonight. Being both completely in the moment and so completely removed. I can't even describe with any justice how beautiful it felt. My mind was both completely flooded and serene. A moment rare for me. So, let me have it while it lasts.